I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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