Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize