highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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