I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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