think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
