So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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