the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My dick has a subreddit
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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