You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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