i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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