Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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