He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
