no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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