Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
