Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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