The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
