She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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