I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
