Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
