I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize