I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize