I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
