I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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