In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i was born a porn star she said
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
