you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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