i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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