He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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