I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
