remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
