Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
