we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
