but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
