I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
