I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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