Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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