I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Randomize
