Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
