Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
