so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
