it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
