Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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