I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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