I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
