He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Sober January is a disaster.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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