my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
