we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
