Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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