you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize