im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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