Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
