i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize