How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
