just tell him i said nine months
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize