I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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