4 words: hood of his car
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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