do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
