I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
