I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He felt like a one man threesome
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
