woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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