k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize