During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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