i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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