Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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