allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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